Tuesday, July 6, 2010
How To Get The Hulk Hogan Hair
Find yourself goin' bald, brother!? Don't sweat it! Thanks to guys like me and Mean Gene, bald is the new not-bald! If you're lookin' to sport a rock and roll Hulk Hogan hair 'do without nothin' on top, just follow these steps to glory!
Grow it out! Before you can look like a champ, you gotta wait around... Like a champ... For your hair to grow! The Hulk Hogan style is all about length, brother. You want it down a little past the chin!
Once it's grown out long enough, give it a trim! A real champ doesn't go around looking like a chump, you gotta keep it neat and squared off! You don't want to look like a pencil pusher either, of course, so leave it a little uneven for a real wild look!
Get yourself some peroxide and bleach it, brother! Back when I got my start, they wanted me to dye my hair red and play a stereotypical Irishman theme, but I told'em the Hulkamaniacs don't roll that way, brother!
Now that you're sporting the champ's haircut, the more ambitious Hulkamaniacs out there can try for the Hulkster 'stach! Just grow out a regular goatee and sideburns, and shave the chin, brother!
Now hit the gym, tan up, and get those twenty four inch pythons ready for battle! Get yourself some cheap tearaway t-shirts and a bandana or two and you're ready to go for the gold!
Disclaimer: While the advice offered above is sound, this article is presented as (affectionate) parody and was not, in fact, written by the Hulkster himself. Please follow all directions and safety precautions attached to any hair care products, hair styling products, and professional wrestling apparel and equipment. The providers of this content accept no responsibility for loss of championship belts or in-ring injuries.